How To Help My High Schooler Change Teachers When There Is Personality Conflict

Friendship—that close connection with another person which allows us to feel valued and cared for—is vital at any stage of life. The need for dear and belonging has long been established every bit 1 of our basic needs as human beings. And it has been well documented that having stiff, healthy relationships improves our self-esteem and overall well-beingness. As valuable every bit these connections are, however, they practise not always come easily or naturally, particularly for adolescents.

We've all known the charismatic, outgoing teenager who is friends with everyone and approaches social situations with ease and grace. Nosotros've also known the awkward, insecure teenager who struggles to connect with people and becomes more withdrawn with each friendship that crashes and burns. While some of it has to do with personality and development, it is but every bit important to recall that merely like so many aspects of adolescent development, making friends is a skill that can exist learned.

Notice a Therapist

If information technology seems like it was easier for your child to brand friends when they were young, you're right. When kids are little, most of their friendships are cultivated and managed by adults. Parents set up "play dates," organize the activities, and manage whatsoever conflict that pops up. Parents besides plan birthdays and other parties, and manage the invitations, gifts, and RSVPs to make sure everyone is included.

The good news is making friends boils downwardly to a series of skills that can be learned.

As kids become teens, these friendships start to shift and evolve. As is truthful with and so many things about middle school, teens go more contained and start making choices for themselves, so it makes sense they as well go more contained in managing their friendships. Some kids handle this transition effortlessly, while others struggle mightily with making and keeping friends. And those friendship struggles tin can lead to a lack of conviction and feeling disconnected and vulnerable at a crucial time in their evolution.

The skilful news is making friends boils down to a serial of skills that can be learned. And as with whatever new skill, becoming expert at friendship requires some cocky-sensation, some guidance, and practice. Here are some tips for helping your teen improve their friendship skills:

1. Invite your teen to do some reflecting. Ask them, "What qualities practice yous have that would make people want to exist your friend?" And more importantly, "How do people know that about you? How do yous let people see what you value, what's important to you, and who you really are?" Rather than merely looking around for someone with mutual interests, helping teens get clear about who they are and what they value allows them to attract friends who will be a good fit for them.
2. Remind your teen that non every acquaintance volition become a BFF. Teens who struggle with making friends tend to latch onto the get-go person who shows them meaningful attention. They may share besides much personal information too shortly, and they may become jealous and insecure when their new all-time friend has other friends. Assist your teen piece of work through the difference between a friend you sit down adjacent to in class and chit-conversation with, and a friend who really understands and values you.
3. Teach your teen how to appoint in chat. Small talk is a learned skill. Information technology doesn't come hands for everyone. It is peculiarly difficult for teens who are more than introverted. Practise having light, casual conversations nearly like shooting fish in a barrel topics such as music, activities outside of school, or homework. Assistance them larn how to keep it positive, and promote the value of listening more than than they speak.
4. Aid your teen understand that conflict is a natural office of relationships. Even the all-time of friends are going to have fights, but non every argument means the end of a friendship. Help them work on fighting fair and knowing when to take a break from an statement to cool off. Particularly when it comes to social media, where misunderstandings are common and conflict can quickly go out of control, teach your teen the value of saying, "I recall nosotros're both really upset. Let's talk nearly this in person tomorrow."
5. Be aware of your own judgments and opinions. If you don't similar your teen's new friend and you believe your reasons are valid, be thoughtful nigh how you lot bring information technology up. Opening a chat with, "Tell me what you like about hanging out with her" may be much improve received than the more obvious, "I don't similar her! She'south a deviling!" And if yous feel the demand to criticize your teen's friend, be sure to be specific near the behaviors you don't similar. For example, "I've noticed she cancels plans with you lot at the concluding infinitesimal a lot" opens upwards a much healthier conversation than, "I don't like her. She's and then selfish and disrespectful!" Your teen values your stance much more than they will ever let yous know, so if you notice them being treated badly by a friend, by all means speak upwardly. Merely make sure y'all practise information technology in a mode that is likely to be heard.
6. Help your teen foster other relationships. The demand for connection and belonging extends beyond friendships with peers. Make sure your teen feels connected to y'all and other adults in their life. When teens accept solid, good for you relationships in their lives that they can count on unconditionally, it becomes much easier to endure the roller coaster of adolescent friendships.

Friendships during the teen years can be so important and fulfilling. Having someone to lean on, share secrets with, and let loose with makes life better at any age. If your teen is struggling with friendships, recollect that it is not a lost crusade. Brand sure your connection with them is potent, and guide them toward the skills they need to brand the kinds of friends that volition serve them well.

References:

1. Mayo Clinic Staff. (2014, February 5). Friendships: Enrich your life and better your health. Retrieved from http://world wide web.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/friendships/art-20044860
2. Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). (2002). Making and keeping friends: A self-help guide. Retrieved from http://shop.samhsa.gov/product/Making-and-Keeping-Friends-A-Self-Assist-Guide/SMA-3716

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Source: https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/6-ways-to-help-your-teen-make-keep-great-friends-0701164

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